Watermelon Crawl Wannabe

I have to admit if you are at a country line dancing bar and you see all those people that know ALL the steps to ALL the different dances, you kind of wanna know the moves and fit in with the crowd. Even if you really can't stand country music because you don't understand the lyrics. I mean how does having gas in your car and butter on your biscuit inspire you to write a song about it?

But boy was I wishing I could get out there and do the Watermelon Crawl with the best of them. I could have slid right in next to the other 40-somethings with their diamond studded belts and pink cowgirl boots and do my Bootie Scoot as well. But alas, I sat at the bar saving the seat for my 30-something friend that apparently had a secret hidden talent for line dancing and knew all the moves!

However, if I had not been perched in my spot, attempting to look approachable, pretending to know the words to the songs, and not hating country music (ok-hate may be a strong word but I really don't like it), I would have missed out on the very talented pick-up line of my potential candidate.

"Hello, I had to drink 3 shots of Wild Turkey just to get the nerve to come over here and talk to you". Quick, what do I respond to this poetic prose? Trying to access all the flirty dating tools I've recently learned from watching Tough Love Miami (*See note: Tough Love Miami). You had me at hello?

On subsequent reflection, I probably need to work on my responses for future interactions, but I went with, "You must be really insecure." Probably not the best choice?? Well it didn't deter him or his 2 accompanying friends, one of which would later be eyeing up my 30-something friend.

Let me paint the visual for the full effect. Friend #1: Picture that creepy Svengoolie guy but add long Pocohontas hair, a longer beard, a turquoise necklace and cowboy hat. Friend #2: Picture a man in a bowling shirt with white high top shoes, the kind that were cool when I was in high school in the 80's. Oh, and let me not forget the piece de resistance; remember the janitor from your elementary school that had that HUGE ring of keys that made a lot of noise when he walked down the hallway? Well, imagine that ring of keys on someone that is line dancing?? My candidate: About 6ft tall, wearing a black shirt that was tad bit too tight (and short) to the point where the shirt kind of rests on his little beer belly, acid washed jeans and quite the assortment of silver rings. Obviously I hit the motherload.

After a little flirty banter amongst the 4 of us, 30-something friend returns from dance floor. I try to engage her in conversation with our hotties research subjects. She proceeds to say it's time to hit the road as the clock has struck 11 and it's bedtime. Note: Have to discuss napping before a night on the town with said friend. So I respectfully decline the Jagermeister shots being offered and we proceed to leave. Not before getting my hand kissed by each of them as I tried to shake their hands to say goodbye. Who said chivalry is dead? Who doesn't love the tickle of a scraggly beard brushing against your delicate lady hand?

Overall research findings: You can definitely meet men at the Cadillac Ranch. The whole 2-step partner dances and such present many opportunities to be asked to dance. However it helps if you can actually dance (I have issues walking and chewing gum at the same time). The men seem relatively friendly and the boose was actually cheap. The age range of men varied from early 20's to later 50's. The only question is whether the types of men that go there are what you want. But you may find your diamond (or turquoise stone) in the rough.

*Tough Love Miami note: Before you criticize, I readily admit that I have a weakness for really bad reality shows that are probably inappropriate for a soon-to-be 40-something to be watching. HOWEVER, this particular show has provided me with a few little dating tip gems. They actually interview men after dates with women and ask them what the women did wrong. It has given me some good pointers! Also made me realize I need to learn the "art of flirting"- YES, there is an art to it. I may have a guest blogger provide some insight on this topic in the near future to help us all.

Until next time.....STILL not having sex in the city.