Bright lights, big city. No, I am not in Vegas. I'm in Des Plaines, IL at the Rivers Casino. You've heard of Des Plaines right? One of the little suburban cities West of Chicago that was mainly unheard of until about 6 months ago when the new casino opened. I am beginning to doubt this whole "recession" thing after witnessing the amount of people willing to throw dollars down on the roulette wheel with careless abandon.
So it's a Saturday night and this place is hopping. It's not a big place but there is a pretty good restaurant/steak house called Hugo Frog Bar. It is a little pricey but the crab cakes were light and flaky with big chunks of delicious crab meat and...... again I digress......distracted by food. Must focus. This is all about me finding Mr. Right or at least Mr. Right Now!
Ok, so the dinner and wine were great. And I don't even want to mention the carrot cake! This thing was so enormous, the 5 of us ate a slice and still had some to take home (yes, there was leftover dessert even with me at the table). But the cream cheese frosting was just YUMMY! The cake was moist and there were also raisins, which I consider a little bonus, when you bite into that sweet little piece of joy, mid-chew!
Let's just skip ahead to the "nightclub" scene. So there is this bar area where there are some couches and big screen TVs with different games showing. Then after 10pm they slide the doors to the main casino shut to close off the area, and there is a DJ or live band on the weekends, so it becomes a little nightclub.
So on this particular night we are lucky because there is a Journey tribute band belting out some of my favorite tunes. Who doesn't LOVE some classic Steve Perry? Ok, I am dating myself, but did I mention this was my 40th birthday celebration as well? Yes, I have crossed over to the dark side, oops, I meant my forties. (Yes, I'm still having difficulty putting a positive spin on this whole "40 thing" and I am not doing it gracefully to say the least...).
So after catching a few tunes and making the rounds of the bar territory to scope out any potential candidates (and coming up empty handed), we decide to move to the casino. I am feeling LUCKY.
I know they will laugh me out of the high roller area when I ask where the penny slots are, so I just skip it and head to the roulette tables. Now THIS is my game! I throw down my cash (3 very crisp 20 dollar bills, which happens to be my limit for the night, aside from the $40 allocated to be eaten up by the slot machines later). I scan the table and it's all men. Of course 2 of the 5 have women hovering over the back of their chairs protecting their territory. The other 3 are nothing to write home about but their big stacks of chips catch my attention especially when I look down on my piddily pile. But before I can properly determine if there are any viable candidates in my viewing area, my chips are spent when the damn marble lands on unlucky number 11. Time to move on as other gamblers rudely try to edge into my table space. I mean how anxious are you to throw your money down?
As I circle the floor looking for the lucky slot machine that will soon be the recipient of my last 40 dollars, these gambling men don't even look up from their piles of chips or lit up slot machines, so I can't even attempt to make eye contact with anyone! Needless to say, I'm not getting any attention being up against Lady Luck tonight.
Research Conclusion: This was a fun spot to celebrate a birthday with a group of gal friends! However, the men are there for a purpose, and you have a better chance of winning the big jackpot than scoring a man. I would have to put this place on the NO list for meeting potential candidates but again, not a bad place for a girls night out (assuming your friends are not gambling addicts of course).
So I'll sign off for now as 40, and still not having sex in the city............
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
A theater experience....
Classy ladies like myself enjoy a little culture in our lives. So when some office friends came up with the idea of going to a holiday Nutcracker performance I was in. I mean, it is a classic Christmas show and with all that Christmas spirit just exuding from me, it's a perfect fit. Of course I was not disillusioned enough to believe that this was going to be a good opportunity to scope out potential candidates (the chances of single straight men going to see the Nutcracker= 0%), but rather a fun evening. Little did I know that it was not going to be your typical classic Nutcracker performance.
The Nutcracker on horseback? Now that's a bit of a peculiar concept. I didn't realize there is actually a horse stable right in the heart of Old Town, but yep, there it is. The Noble Horse Theater. So apparently they have these seasonal performances, from what I gather are basically the same show with just different music with the differing seasons.
The scene: A rustic little stable, welcoming with an old fashioned wood-burning stove in the lobby, teenage ushers scurrying around to seat groups of families with packs of littlerugrats children, excited to see the horses. The smell of buttery popcorn mixed with horse maneur lingering in the air...... me wondering why we were foolish enough not to bring alcohol to this BYOB performance.
The performance: Imagine Tchaikovsky playing in the background while watching the same teenage ushers performing tricks on horeseback. It would be a stretch to say the Nutcracker storyline was really incorporated into the performance, but there was a feable attempt to do so.
Not even Heidi Klum is landing an unmarried straight man in this place. So why am I blogging about this? Aside from putting the word out that this is more like a family/child birthday party-place than a cultural experience for you classy ladies, we did go for drinks in the neighborhood to a placed called the Fireplace Inn (don't let the name deceive you, I didn't see any fireplace). This might be a potential spot for research but I would need to go back and investigate in a smaller group. But the place seemed pretty cool. There's a restaurant side and bar side with nice big screens, seems like a great place to watch a game. The drinks were good and food was decent.
It was early evening but yet it wasn't dead. It was slowly filling up, so it seems there might be some good prospecting at this joint. Yes, there were a few couples having dinner, that I could tell (from the googly eye contact and the intense interest in conversation that is only lost as you spend time with someone), were on a 1st or 2nd date. But there was a variety of men around the bar area that could be chatted up and assessed.
So I will put this on the fence for now but will have to make it back to this place and investigate further to give my final ruling on this one. As for now...still not having sex in the city.
The Nutcracker on horseback? Now that's a bit of a peculiar concept. I didn't realize there is actually a horse stable right in the heart of Old Town, but yep, there it is. The Noble Horse Theater. So apparently they have these seasonal performances, from what I gather are basically the same show with just different music with the differing seasons.
The scene: A rustic little stable, welcoming with an old fashioned wood-burning stove in the lobby, teenage ushers scurrying around to seat groups of families with packs of little
The performance: Imagine Tchaikovsky playing in the background while watching the same teenage ushers performing tricks on horeseback. It would be a stretch to say the Nutcracker storyline was really incorporated into the performance, but there was a feable attempt to do so.
Not even Heidi Klum is landing an unmarried straight man in this place. So why am I blogging about this? Aside from putting the word out that this is more like a family/child birthday party-place than a cultural experience for you classy ladies, we did go for drinks in the neighborhood to a placed called the Fireplace Inn (don't let the name deceive you, I didn't see any fireplace). This might be a potential spot for research but I would need to go back and investigate in a smaller group. But the place seemed pretty cool. There's a restaurant side and bar side with nice big screens, seems like a great place to watch a game. The drinks were good and food was decent.
It was early evening but yet it wasn't dead. It was slowly filling up, so it seems there might be some good prospecting at this joint. Yes, there were a few couples having dinner, that I could tell (from the googly eye contact and the intense interest in conversation that is only lost as you spend time with someone), were on a 1st or 2nd date. But there was a variety of men around the bar area that could be chatted up and assessed.
So I will put this on the fence for now but will have to make it back to this place and investigate further to give my final ruling on this one. As for now...still not having sex in the city.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
New research findings indicate chocolate cake will not help you land a man.......
Although I tend to be a bit of a cynical person by nature, the holiday season manages to bring out a little of the child in me that believes in the magic of the season. Now, let's not get crazy, I am also a realist. The holiday season brings out a sense of joy, happiness, hope and annoyance. The stores are bustling with shoppers (that get in the way of my speed shopping), the beautiful Christmas lights in windows (after spending hours making my place look like the Griswold family Christmas house, the ones I put up inevitably have one light burn out, causing the ENTIRE strand to go out, and I can NEVER figure out where the culprit bulb is, so I have to throw out the entire stand and start over while cursing in a not-so-holiday-manner), and most importantly the restaurants and bars are packed with friends having a holiday drink, co-workers enjoying an after work cocktail, in other words, LOTS of potential candidates.
I met up with a friend after work at the Clubhouse in Oak Brook. We arrived at 5:30pm which is just in time to still find an actual seat at the bar. Once it gets late, this place is pretty full and standing room only around the bar area. It is strategically important to have a seat that provides a good viewing point, but also we MUST eat because it's been 5 hours since lunch and growing close to my feeding time. They have these super delish blue cheese fries and loaded nachos that you can only order at the bar so you have to get a seat. Ok, yes, I am on a research mission, but a girl needs nourishment too!
So we are having a glass of wine and quickly polish off the appetizers and ask the server to get rid of any evidence that we had just finished feeding our faces (because classy women don't really shovel greasy nachos down the hatch). So the place starts to fill up and people are ordering drinks and leaning in around us to put their drink orders in with bartender. By the way, this is an optimal position to start casual conversation. We chat up a few people as they stand around with drinks.
Granted, it took a little while to shoo away the 70-something little guy who wanted to paint my friend a self portrait, and the chubby little elf guy that obviously just escaped the north pole, but it seemed to being going well. Then my fatal flaw. I spotted a waitress passing by with the dessert tray she was showing some diners in the restaurant. Once I laid eyes on the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting I lost sight of the prize (chocolate caking being my krytonite). We had to order one.
It happened so fast. The waiter came and cleared away enough bar space to plop down the HUGE plate (so big it could also double as a turkey platter) with the biggest piece of chocolate cake I've EVER seen, topped with whip cream and chocolate sauce. The seated patrons around us were not happy with their drinks getting pushed away to make room for this monstrosity of a dessert. The standing herd of patrons lingering around our seats seemed to disperse and suddenly we were left alone, just the two of us and our freakishly large cake. I'm glad my friend convinced me that we should share one and we didn't go with my original plan to order 2!
After the momentum had been lost (and finishing the cake), we decided to call it a night.
Research findings: This place definitely has potential. I will put this on the YES list for a good place to potentially meet men, and plan a return visit in the future.
Lessons learned: Due to the fact that I admittedly get off track easily at the mere sighting of a dessert tray, I should get all of my eating out of the way BEFORE I commence my research. Noted.
I met up with a friend after work at the Clubhouse in Oak Brook. We arrived at 5:30pm which is just in time to still find an actual seat at the bar. Once it gets late, this place is pretty full and standing room only around the bar area. It is strategically important to have a seat that provides a good viewing point, but also we MUST eat because it's been 5 hours since lunch and growing close to my feeding time. They have these super delish blue cheese fries and loaded nachos that you can only order at the bar so you have to get a seat. Ok, yes, I am on a research mission, but a girl needs nourishment too!
So we are having a glass of wine and quickly polish off the appetizers and ask the server to get rid of any evidence that we had just finished feeding our faces (because classy women don't really shovel greasy nachos down the hatch). So the place starts to fill up and people are ordering drinks and leaning in around us to put their drink orders in with bartender. By the way, this is an optimal position to start casual conversation. We chat up a few people as they stand around with drinks.
Granted, it took a little while to shoo away the 70-something little guy who wanted to paint my friend a self portrait, and the chubby little elf guy that obviously just escaped the north pole, but it seemed to being going well. Then my fatal flaw. I spotted a waitress passing by with the dessert tray she was showing some diners in the restaurant. Once I laid eyes on the chocolate cake with chocolate frosting I lost sight of the prize (chocolate caking being my krytonite). We had to order one.
It happened so fast. The waiter came and cleared away enough bar space to plop down the HUGE plate (so big it could also double as a turkey platter) with the biggest piece of chocolate cake I've EVER seen, topped with whip cream and chocolate sauce. The seated patrons around us were not happy with their drinks getting pushed away to make room for this monstrosity of a dessert. The standing herd of patrons lingering around our seats seemed to disperse and suddenly we were left alone, just the two of us and our freakishly large cake. I'm glad my friend convinced me that we should share one and we didn't go with my original plan to order 2!
After the momentum had been lost (and finishing the cake), we decided to call it a night.
Research findings: This place definitely has potential. I will put this on the YES list for a good place to potentially meet men, and plan a return visit in the future.
Lessons learned: Due to the fact that I admittedly get off track easily at the mere sighting of a dessert tray, I should get all of my eating out of the way BEFORE I commence my research. Noted.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
It never happens like the movies......
I have admittedly spent many a weekend night watching romantic comedies, clinging to that quickly fading belief that I could also meet my "true soul mate" on a train, in a grocery store, a book store, or by some other random, obscure chance meeting just like in the movies. I think such movies plant unrealistic expectations and hopes into that mushy part of our women brains. The part that allows us to rationalize these things don't really happen in real life, but still makes us wonder, what if....what if I was the person that it really happened to?? Just like in the movies......
Let's recap some of my ultimate favorite scenarios that you want to believe, but you know that it will NEVER happen (yet you still dream about it anyway):
Dream: Sitting on a train you look across and see a handsome guy looking directly at you. Your eyes meet and from that moment on you are forever connected. You just "know". You get off at the next stop and he watches you walk away. After coming to his senses and realizing you are the women of his dreams (from that one glance alone), he rides that same train day after day for months hoping to run into you again. But you only took that train by chance because you were running late that day. However, one day you think of him and "that look" and you decide to purposely take that late train again. And it happens..... You see him standing there on the platform looking for YOU too.....and you live happily ever after.
Reality: Sitting on a Chicago train, trying not to think of what that sticky spot on the seat next to you is, trying not to touch anything that might infect you, listening to the old guy snoring in the seat behind you, the young punks sitting across from you acting obnoxious and talking loud, scanning the entire train trying to find one person that looks even remotely normal and realizing there are NONE. You look back down at your phone and continue to play Words with Friends.
Dream: You realize at 9pm on Saturday night that there is nothing in your fridge except for a hunk of blue cheese that is not suppose to be blue and a green apple that was red when you originally bought it. So you dash out to the grocery store because you have no Ben and Jerry's (or salad fixings). You have no make-up on (but still have a healthy, fresh-faced look that men find natural and attractive) and your ratty but comfortable t-shirt and jeans on. As you are deciding which two flavors to buy because it's buy one pint, get one free (jackpot!), you see through the glass freezer doors that a handsome guy is checking you out.
He approaches you and inquires about where the produce aisle is (because obviously he can tell by looking at you that you must live off healthy vegetables alone). He explains that he just moved into the neighborhood after relocating from another state for a new job (most likely a CEO or other high level executive) and he is still finding his way around. Of course being the friendly person you are, you oblige and personally escort him to the produce aisle and help him pick out a good head of lettuce. The rest is history.......
Reality: You dash into the store and stuff as many 1/2 gallons as you can into your basket with what little room is left with the 2 bottles of wine that are already in there, go to the self checkout lane to avoid the judgmental eyes of the cashier and leave the store without having made eye contact with another human being. What self-respecting single woman is spotted in a grocery store on Saturday night??
Better yet, maybe I am going to realize that a man that is already in my life. but can't stand, is really the man I am meant to be with. You know you've seen it in movies and tv shows. There is always a guy and a girl (both very attractive but single) that claim to despise each other, exchange insulting banter, complain to other friends how the other is so obnoxious. Then after a long build-up and much anticipation they finally come to blows. After a rather heated exchange they suddenly realize all that anger was really amazing chemistry and they are madly in love.
Considering my closest male friends are my gay neighbor-husband and my gay work-husband, they are both quite fun and humorous and we've never had any heated exchanges, the only strange scenario I can fathom is the two of them hooking up!
So am I being cynical or does it ever really happen just like in the movies?
Let's recap some of my ultimate favorite scenarios that you want to believe, but you know that it will NEVER happen (yet you still dream about it anyway):
Dream: Sitting on a train you look across and see a handsome guy looking directly at you. Your eyes meet and from that moment on you are forever connected. You just "know". You get off at the next stop and he watches you walk away. After coming to his senses and realizing you are the women of his dreams (from that one glance alone), he rides that same train day after day for months hoping to run into you again. But you only took that train by chance because you were running late that day. However, one day you think of him and "that look" and you decide to purposely take that late train again. And it happens..... You see him standing there on the platform looking for YOU too.....and you live happily ever after.
Reality: Sitting on a Chicago train, trying not to think of what that sticky spot on the seat next to you is, trying not to touch anything that might infect you, listening to the old guy snoring in the seat behind you, the young punks sitting across from you acting obnoxious and talking loud, scanning the entire train trying to find one person that looks even remotely normal and realizing there are NONE. You look back down at your phone and continue to play Words with Friends.
Dream: You realize at 9pm on Saturday night that there is nothing in your fridge except for a hunk of blue cheese that is not suppose to be blue and a green apple that was red when you originally bought it. So you dash out to the grocery store because you have no Ben and Jerry's (or salad fixings). You have no make-up on (but still have a healthy, fresh-faced look that men find natural and attractive) and your ratty but comfortable t-shirt and jeans on. As you are deciding which two flavors to buy because it's buy one pint, get one free (jackpot!), you see through the glass freezer doors that a handsome guy is checking you out.
He approaches you and inquires about where the produce aisle is (because obviously he can tell by looking at you that you must live off healthy vegetables alone). He explains that he just moved into the neighborhood after relocating from another state for a new job (most likely a CEO or other high level executive) and he is still finding his way around. Of course being the friendly person you are, you oblige and personally escort him to the produce aisle and help him pick out a good head of lettuce. The rest is history.......
Reality: You dash into the store and stuff as many 1/2 gallons as you can into your basket with what little room is left with the 2 bottles of wine that are already in there, go to the self checkout lane to avoid the judgmental eyes of the cashier and leave the store without having made eye contact with another human being. What self-respecting single woman is spotted in a grocery store on Saturday night??
Better yet, maybe I am going to realize that a man that is already in my life. but can't stand, is really the man I am meant to be with. You know you've seen it in movies and tv shows. There is always a guy and a girl (both very attractive but single) that claim to despise each other, exchange insulting banter, complain to other friends how the other is so obnoxious. Then after a long build-up and much anticipation they finally come to blows. After a rather heated exchange they suddenly realize all that anger was really amazing chemistry and they are madly in love.
Considering my closest male friends are my gay neighbor-husband and my gay work-husband, they are both quite fun and humorous and we've never had any heated exchanges, the only strange scenario I can fathom is the two of them hooking up!
So am I being cynical or does it ever really happen just like in the movies?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Attending a Family Thanksgiving without a Plus One
When you receive an invitation to an event, you immediately begin to think about who your plus one will be. This is a crucial question when it comes to weddings or formal events in particular. It can make the difference between looking single and ready to mingle or part of a couple.
No one knows from a mere glance that your hot date is really your gusband (gay husband) aka standby date for any event in which you can't get a "real" date. Yes, just like on the Sex in the City show, many of us have a real life Standford. The issue with mine is that NO ONE ever thinks that he is gay. He is way too much the masculine, muscular, ex-college-football-playing type. The plus: everyone thinks you've landed this well-dressed, well groomed hottie AND he will honestly tell you if you look fat in the dress before you leave the house looking a fool. The minus: Said hottie can deter a lot of potential candidates from approaching you.
However this "one plus" issue also comes into play with family gatherings. Considering Thanksgiving is tomorrow (and the fact that I am such an introspective thinker-NOT), I find myself both single and without a plus one while contemplating: When is it appropriate to bring a new candidate around the family?
You don't want to introduce too soon at the risk of seeming too into the guy already. But what is the appropriate waiting period? Or rather than a timeframe, is there another indicator like you've been on XX amount of dates? Or you've seen him naked? Or you've had the "exclusive" talk?
I am just curious what other women's opinions are on this topic?
I have heard that the Weds before Thanksgiving is actually a great night for people to go out since many have friends/family in town for the holiday. However since all my single peeps are tied up, I will not be conducting any research until after Thanksgiving. A Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow single ladies STILL not having sex in the city! (I'm putting a lot of hope into New Year's.....)
No one knows from a mere glance that your hot date is really your gusband (gay husband) aka standby date for any event in which you can't get a "real" date. Yes, just like on the Sex in the City show, many of us have a real life Standford. The issue with mine is that NO ONE ever thinks that he is gay. He is way too much the masculine, muscular, ex-college-football-playing type. The plus: everyone thinks you've landed this well-dressed, well groomed hottie AND he will honestly tell you if you look fat in the dress before you leave the house looking a fool. The minus: Said hottie can deter a lot of potential candidates from approaching you.
However this "one plus" issue also comes into play with family gatherings. Considering Thanksgiving is tomorrow (and the fact that I am such an introspective thinker-NOT), I find myself both single and without a plus one while contemplating: When is it appropriate to bring a new candidate around the family?
You don't want to introduce too soon at the risk of seeming too into the guy already. But what is the appropriate waiting period? Or rather than a timeframe, is there another indicator like you've been on XX amount of dates? Or you've seen him naked? Or you've had the "exclusive" talk?
I am just curious what other women's opinions are on this topic?
I have heard that the Weds before Thanksgiving is actually a great night for people to go out since many have friends/family in town for the holiday. However since all my single peeps are tied up, I will not be conducting any research until after Thanksgiving. A Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow single ladies STILL not having sex in the city! (I'm putting a lot of hope into New Year's.....)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Things that Happy-Couple-People Say that Annoy Me.....
Since I have no new research findings to report today, I thought I'd discuss the topic of the unsolicited advice we singletons often get from happy-couple people and how it drives me NUTS. I know the intention is to be helpful and supportive, but sometimes it can be a little annoying.
You know what I'm talking about right? It never fails, when you are attending an event, dinner, party, wedding (don't even get me started on this one!), whatever the gathering, there is always someone that feels the need to give you advice on how to find Mr. Right (only after inquiring about how "single life" is these days and cringing at the thought of themselves being single again.......) *See Happy-Couple-People note.
I will list just a few of my favorites and why they ANNOY me.
1. "You have to be open to it, if you are not really open, it won't happen". What the hell does that mean? Other than wearing a name badge that reads Hello, I am single and open (which could be interpreted VERY differently by men), how much more open can I be? I have a lot of friends and get out a lot, so I'm not sitting home expecting some hottie to ring by doorbell and ask me out (btw-food delivery men are NOT generally hotties). I consider myself friendly and I will speak to people I encounter, but I just do not understand this concept of being "open".
2. "You have to do things you are passionate about and you will meet someone that way". So let's see, I volunteered to work a few breast cancer walks. Guess what? ALL WOMEN at these walks. Granted, I felt good to help a good cause, but not going to meet men at these types of venues. Volunteer for an animal shelter you say? Guess what? Cute couples coming to pick out a new family pet or a new pet for their first apartment together. How sweet. Although I will say that I have not given up on this idea, it has not proven fruitful to date.
3. "Don't you have friends that can introduce you to people or your friend's husbands, they must have friends right?" Gee, thanks for the groundbreaking idea of getting referrals, I would have NEVER thought of this. Don't you think that I haven't already hit up every friend's husband for a handsome brother or cousin or sports team member or co-worker? Of course they all assure me I am #1 on their list of referrals should anyone become available due to break-up or untimely death (after a suitable mourning period of course-I'm not that cold-hearted!)
4. And my all-time favorite: "When you STOP looking, it will just happen". FALSE. I know from personal experience that this is not true. When I got divorced, I decided that I was going to take some time off from dating and not actively "look". After 3 years of NOT looking, I netted ZERO prospects. In the meantime I gained 10lbs from eating Ben & Jerry's while watching romantic comedies on pay-per-view every weekend. Obviously that has not helped my cause since I decided to start actively looking again. Now I'm just 3 years older and 3 inches wider!
So word to the wise for happy-couple people: Believe me, you will be the FIRST to hear me brag about any potential hotties, share the scoop on any recent dates or promising candidates I've just met. You don't need to ask every time I see you. And while your advice is coming from a good place, keep those words of wisdom for a time when I come crying to you and need reassurance that there's still hope!
*Happy-Couple People Note: Please do not make comments such as "I just don't know how you do it, being single these days", or "I am just so glad my single days are over..". Instead just poor salt in the wound directly. It will feel better to me.
You know what I'm talking about right? It never fails, when you are attending an event, dinner, party, wedding (don't even get me started on this one!), whatever the gathering, there is always someone that feels the need to give you advice on how to find Mr. Right (only after inquiring about how "single life" is these days and cringing at the thought of themselves being single again.......) *See Happy-Couple-People note.
I will list just a few of my favorites and why they ANNOY me.
1. "You have to be open to it, if you are not really open, it won't happen". What the hell does that mean? Other than wearing a name badge that reads Hello, I am single and open (which could be interpreted VERY differently by men), how much more open can I be? I have a lot of friends and get out a lot, so I'm not sitting home expecting some hottie to ring by doorbell and ask me out (btw-food delivery men are NOT generally hotties). I consider myself friendly and I will speak to people I encounter, but I just do not understand this concept of being "open".
2. "You have to do things you are passionate about and you will meet someone that way". So let's see, I volunteered to work a few breast cancer walks. Guess what? ALL WOMEN at these walks. Granted, I felt good to help a good cause, but not going to meet men at these types of venues. Volunteer for an animal shelter you say? Guess what? Cute couples coming to pick out a new family pet or a new pet for their first apartment together. How sweet. Although I will say that I have not given up on this idea, it has not proven fruitful to date.
3. "Don't you have friends that can introduce you to people or your friend's husbands, they must have friends right?" Gee, thanks for the groundbreaking idea of getting referrals, I would have NEVER thought of this. Don't you think that I haven't already hit up every friend's husband for a handsome brother or cousin or sports team member or co-worker? Of course they all assure me I am #1 on their list of referrals should anyone become available due to break-up or untimely death (after a suitable mourning period of course-I'm not that cold-hearted!)
4. And my all-time favorite: "When you STOP looking, it will just happen". FALSE. I know from personal experience that this is not true. When I got divorced, I decided that I was going to take some time off from dating and not actively "look". After 3 years of NOT looking, I netted ZERO prospects. In the meantime I gained 10lbs from eating Ben & Jerry's while watching romantic comedies on pay-per-view every weekend. Obviously that has not helped my cause since I decided to start actively looking again. Now I'm just 3 years older and 3 inches wider!
So word to the wise for happy-couple people: Believe me, you will be the FIRST to hear me brag about any potential hotties, share the scoop on any recent dates or promising candidates I've just met. You don't need to ask every time I see you. And while your advice is coming from a good place, keep those words of wisdom for a time when I come crying to you and need reassurance that there's still hope!
*Happy-Couple People Note: Please do not make comments such as "I just don't know how you do it, being single these days", or "I am just so glad my single days are over..". Instead just poor salt in the wound directly. It will feel better to me.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Watermelon Crawl Wannabe
I have to admit if you are at a country line dancing bar and you see all those people that know ALL the steps to ALL the different dances, you kind of wanna know the moves and fit in with the crowd. Even if you really can't stand country music because you don't understand the lyrics. I mean how does having gas in your car and butter on your biscuit inspire you to write a song about it?
But boy was I wishing I could get out there and do the Watermelon Crawl with the best of them. I could have slid right in next to the other 40-somethings with their diamond studded belts and pink cowgirl boots and do my Bootie Scoot as well. But alas, I sat at the bar saving the seat for my 30-something friend that apparently had a secret hidden talent for line dancing and knew all the moves!
However, if I had not been perched in my spot, attempting to look approachable, pretending to know the words to the songs, and not hating country music (ok-hate may be a strong word but I really don't like it), I would have missed out on the very talented pick-up line of my potential candidate.
"Hello, I had to drink 3 shots of Wild Turkey just to get the nerve to come over here and talk to you". Quick, what do I respond to this poetic prose? Trying to access all the flirty dating tools I've recently learned from watching Tough Love Miami (*See note: Tough Love Miami). You had me at hello?
On subsequent reflection, I probably need to work on my responses for future interactions, but I went with, "You must be really insecure." Probably not the best choice?? Well it didn't deter him or his 2 accompanying friends, one of which would later be eyeing up my 30-something friend.
Let me paint the visual for the full effect. Friend #1: Picture that creepy Svengoolie guy but add long Pocohontas hair, a longer beard, a turquoise necklace and cowboy hat. Friend #2: Picture a man in a bowling shirt with white high top shoes, the kind that were cool when I was in high school in the 80's. Oh, and let me not forget the piece de resistance; remember the janitor from your elementary school that had that HUGE ring of keys that made a lot of noise when he walked down the hallway? Well, imagine that ring of keys on someone that is line dancing?? My candidate: About 6ft tall, wearing a black shirt that was tad bit too tight (and short) to the point where the shirt kind of rests on his little beer belly, acid washed jeans and quite the assortment of silver rings. Obviously I hit the motherload.
After a little flirty banter amongst the 4 of us, 30-something friend returns from dance floor. I try to engage her in conversation with ourhotties research subjects. She proceeds to say it's time to hit the road as the clock has struck 11 and it's bedtime. Note: Have to discuss napping before a night on the town with said friend. So I respectfully decline the Jagermeister shots being offered and we proceed to leave. Not before getting my hand kissed by each of them as I tried to shake their hands to say goodbye. Who said chivalry is dead? Who doesn't love the tickle of a scraggly beard brushing against your delicate lady hand?
Overall research findings: You can definitely meet men at the Cadillac Ranch. The whole 2-step partner dances and such present many opportunities to be asked to dance. However it helps if you can actually dance (I have issues walking and chewing gum at the same time). The men seem relatively friendly and the boose was actually cheap. The age range of men varied from early 20's to later 50's. The only question is whether the types of men that go there are what you want. But you may find your diamond (or turquoise stone) in the rough.
*Tough Love Miami note: Before you criticize, I readily admit that I have a weakness for really bad reality shows that are probably inappropriate for a soon-to-be 40-something to be watching. HOWEVER, this particular show has provided me with a few little dating tip gems. They actually interview men after dates with women and ask them what the women did wrong. It has given me some good pointers! Also made me realize I need to learn the "art of flirting"- YES, there is an art to it. I may have a guest blogger provide some insight on this topic in the near future to help us all.
Until next time.....STILL not having sex in the city.
But boy was I wishing I could get out there and do the Watermelon Crawl with the best of them. I could have slid right in next to the other 40-somethings with their diamond studded belts and pink cowgirl boots and do my Bootie Scoot as well. But alas, I sat at the bar saving the seat for my 30-something friend that apparently had a secret hidden talent for line dancing and knew all the moves!
However, if I had not been perched in my spot, attempting to look approachable, pretending to know the words to the songs, and not hating country music (ok-hate may be a strong word but I really don't like it), I would have missed out on the very talented pick-up line of my potential candidate.
"Hello, I had to drink 3 shots of Wild Turkey just to get the nerve to come over here and talk to you". Quick, what do I respond to this poetic prose? Trying to access all the flirty dating tools I've recently learned from watching Tough Love Miami (*See note: Tough Love Miami). You had me at hello?
On subsequent reflection, I probably need to work on my responses for future interactions, but I went with, "You must be really insecure." Probably not the best choice?? Well it didn't deter him or his 2 accompanying friends, one of which would later be eyeing up my 30-something friend.
Let me paint the visual for the full effect. Friend #1: Picture that creepy Svengoolie guy but add long Pocohontas hair, a longer beard, a turquoise necklace and cowboy hat. Friend #2: Picture a man in a bowling shirt with white high top shoes, the kind that were cool when I was in high school in the 80's. Oh, and let me not forget the piece de resistance; remember the janitor from your elementary school that had that HUGE ring of keys that made a lot of noise when he walked down the hallway? Well, imagine that ring of keys on someone that is line dancing?? My candidate: About 6ft tall, wearing a black shirt that was tad bit too tight (and short) to the point where the shirt kind of rests on his little beer belly, acid washed jeans and quite the assortment of silver rings. Obviously I hit the motherload.
After a little flirty banter amongst the 4 of us, 30-something friend returns from dance floor. I try to engage her in conversation with our
Overall research findings: You can definitely meet men at the Cadillac Ranch. The whole 2-step partner dances and such present many opportunities to be asked to dance. However it helps if you can actually dance (I have issues walking and chewing gum at the same time). The men seem relatively friendly and the boose was actually cheap. The age range of men varied from early 20's to later 50's. The only question is whether the types of men that go there are what you want. But you may find your diamond (or turquoise stone) in the rough.
*Tough Love Miami note: Before you criticize, I readily admit that I have a weakness for really bad reality shows that are probably inappropriate for a soon-to-be 40-something to be watching. HOWEVER, this particular show has provided me with a few little dating tip gems. They actually interview men after dates with women and ask them what the women did wrong. It has given me some good pointers! Also made me realize I need to learn the "art of flirting"- YES, there is an art to it. I may have a guest blogger provide some insight on this topic in the near future to help us all.
Until next time.....STILL not having sex in the city.
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